Take a moment and recall other times of testing. Did you come out the other side loving God more? Did your understanding of his character grow? Did your character grow (Romans 5:1-5)?

We may wait till he explains, because we know that Jesus reigns.

It puzzles me; but, Lord, You understand, and will one day explain this crooked thing.

Meanwhile, I know that it has worked out Your best—it’s very crookedness taught me to cling. You have fenced up my ways, made my paths crooked, to keep my wandering eyes fixed on You; to make me what I was not, humble, patient; to draw my heart from earthly love to You.

So I will thank and praise You for this puzzle, and trust where I cannot understand. Rejoicing, You do hold me worth such testing, I cling the closer to Your guiding hand.

- Mrs. Charles E. Cowman

What “crooked thing” are you facing today? A dying marriage, a wayward child, a pressing physical limitation, or an on-going financial crunch? You make your own list.

Don’t you sometimes just want to scream, “Why are you letting all this happen to me? I thought you took care of your children? I certainly do not feel cared for AT ALL!”

I am thankful for the Psalms because they give us plenty of permission to ask our emotionally charged questions. Have you read Psalm 13 or Psalm 77 lately? Both of them contain a whole list of questions asked of God in the middle of confusing circumstances. Each song resonates with me because of their naked honesty mixed with raw despair.

I am glad God knew I would have days (seasons?) like that and provided actual sentences to sum up my emotions.

But one other observation is needed as we glance at these psalms: after the litany of questions there is a fresh commitment to love and trust God IN the complications of life. Psalm 13:5: “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.”

Psalm 77:11: “I will remember the deeds of the Lord; I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.” In both psalms, there was the beautiful balance of being honest with how I am doing while choosing to remember who God is and all he has done.

So I will thank and praise You for this puzzle, and trust where I cannot understand. Rejoicing You do hold me worth such testing, I cling closer to Your guiding hand.

Can you thank him for this crooked place you are in? He loves to hear our voice of trust in troubled times.

What about the life of Christ that beckons you to grow in your capacity to forgive?

For me, it is in Luke 23 when Jesus said, “Father, forgive them [the murderers, mockers, and abusers] for they don’t know what they are doing?”

Are you kidding me? Seems like they knew exactly what they were doing! These very men nailed him to the cross, stuck it in the ground, spit on him, and divided his clothes among themselves.  The atmosphere was thick with hate, spite, and jealousy.

Yet, he forgives them and me and that simply leaves me speechless.

I was not at the foot of the cross that day hurling curses with the masses. But I have my own shameful list of misdeed: stealing, lying, hating, speaking evil about others, pride, rebellion, and unbelief. I lust, deceive, and envy. And left to my own devises, I would still be in bondage to all of these. But I have believed that Jesus died for ME that day and all the misdeeds and sins of my life. His forgiveness has reached even me. That leaves me speechless, too.

I am far from perfect. Very far. But as I seek to know him through his word and and come humbly to him in prayer when I fall into sin…that same love that kept him on the  cross comes to me again, and again, and again.

What kind of love is that? Amazing love.

Growing up in a home where criticism and needless cutting remarks were the norm, I am not good at inviting and pursuing correction. I am too easily hurt and even offended when approached by helpful comments given to accelerate my growth in Christ-likeness. While the sweet presence of the indwelling Holy Spirit has helped me grow in this area,  I still have a long way to go.

I suspect we all do.

Quite simply, inviting another person to enter into our lives in such a delicate way requires a character quality that is pristine in the eyes of our Father and maligned in the eyes of the world: humility.

 I hate it when a scar is ripped open.

 A scar exists because the wound was deep enough to leave a significant mark. Little scrapes and bruises are less likely to leave scars. Gashes that require stitches leave scars. They serve as lifelong remainders of the event. Injuries can be both physical and emotional. My deepest wounds by far are emotional.

I am in a current situation where a healed wound has been lanced because of hurtful comments. Have you had a scare reopened lately by a well timed barb from one you thought forgiveness had been extended and received?

It’s miserable.

In the film The Fisher King, a doctor tells a radio deejay who is desperately seeking forgiveness in the aftermath of a terrible tragedy, “The brain never loses anything-it just stores it up and waits. A person could actually re-experience the full effects of a tragedy long after the event took place.”

Who’s nodding their heads?

But I have made a commitment to live a life of forgiveness, so what now?

What do I do with my tendency to have mental arguments with the one who hurt me again?

How do I right-size the place they now occupy in my soul?

Where is the fairy dust that will magically remove the hurt when I need it?

Grabbing my pride by the neck, I head out for a prayer walk. A little fresh air may help me come to my senses. I’m not 4 steps out of my home before anger surges up within me. I just have to start with acknowledging why the comments hurt me and what memories they conjured up of past unsavorily encounters with this person. There is good Biblical permission to be real with our emotions. Check out Psalm 27, 62, and 69.

But there is another facet in coming to terms with being ripped open again: letting it go–forgiving. I know all too well the toxic side-effects that occur in my soul if do not make the hard choice to forgive. Otherwise, I give “the ripper” permission to rule me. Been there too many times! And it only increases misery.

Heading to the cross of Christ is my next mental stop as I walk through the park. There I am reminded again of the sinless One who loved me (a major sinner) enough to die so I could indeed live a life of forgiveness. At the cross I am overcome by Jesus’ love, mercy, kindness and grace. The offences of others shrink in its shadow.

I whisper a prayer extending forgiveness…and wait for my angst to quiet down.

I want to know where you are on the path to forgiveness.

Many are blessed with wonderful fathers. So, this Dad’s Day we celebrate with exuberance.

Our fathers tucked us into bed at night, attended our games, and hugged us when all of life fell apart. Good memories. Healing memories. Life-giving memories.

But not all resonate with these recollections.

I tread lightly here.

For some of us, life was not a thing to celebrate when it came to “our father”.

He never cared we were born.

He abused us.

 He was an addict.

He found another family and left ours.

 Nothing to celebrate here.

 We hate Father’s Day. It only serves as a stinging reminder of what we never had and so desperately wanted as a child…and, strangely, still do. 

I ask this in the kindest tone, can we/will we chose to forgive this man who hurt us so? Or will we live with the hatred, bitterness, and rancor? I understand the difficultly of the choice. I made it myself. And so have many of you.

 Do not answer quickly. My longing for you is freedom from past hurts-so you can move into a new day.

Forgiveness has been a lifetime battle for me.

That’s kind of an ugly confession for a minster of the gospel, isn’t it? But I am a big believer in being truthful about where I am in my walk with the Lord. Honesty is the best way to victory.

I am not alone in this struggle. I talk with people almost daily about this topic.

Answer this question: Why is it so hard to forgive ourselves and others? What face pops into your mind even as you read this question? Is it yours?

I have had long bouts in my life of trying to forgive myself. It was the memories of all the stupid stuff  I did as a teenager that brought me to Christ three-plus decades ago. Jesus offered a new way of living and something called “forgiveness”-a word and concept I’d never heard of before my freshman year in college. That was the aspect of the gospel that resonated so deeply with me and swept me into my relationship with Jesus.

It still does.