The summons to live as forgiven and forgiving children is radically inclusive. The demands for forgiveness are so daunting that they seem humanly impossible. The exigencies of forgiveness are simply beyond the capacity of ungraced human will. Only reckless confidence in a Source greater than ourselves can empower us to forgive the wounds inflicted by others. In boundary moments such as these there is only one place to go—Calvary.                                                                                               —Brennan Manning

When I was speaking at a women’s retreat in Pennsylvania, a young woman I’ll call Connie approached me, asking if we could talk. We made our way to a private spot, and she tearfully unloaded her burden. It seems that her husband was hopelessly addicted to pornography and as a result had met a woman in an Internet chat room. One tragic mistake had led to another, and they had eventually met and slept together.

All this had come to light just days before the gathering. Connie’s husband, a Christian, filled with guilt and remorse, had confessed the whole sordid affair to her and begged her not to leave him. She was unable to sleep, unable to eat, but mostly unable to forgive. She was hurt and wanted to hurt him back. But the Spirit of God was softening her wounded heart. Overcome with the fact that she must forgive, she asked me what she should do next. Together, we went to our Source—we went to Calvary.  

While hanging on the cross, covered with the spit of his accusers, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). The apostle Peter, in his first epistle, tells us what was going on in Jesus’ heart while he was saying these words: “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). All who seek to forgive the unforgivable must lean deeply into the heart and words of the Sinless One. Jesus did not fight back. He did not look for a way to get even. He forgave and trusted God to do the judging.

The implications of Calvary are found in Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Bottom line—we forgive because we have been forgiven. We will always live with the consequences of another’s sin whether we want to or not. The question is will we live in the freedom of forgiveness or in the bondage of unforgiveness? Only as God gives us grace and guts can we extend forgiveness to one who has broken our heart and damaged our trust.

So what’s your story? What faces pop up in your mind as you read this? What’s happened to you that’s been hard, even impossible, to forgive…parents who rejected you, a child who has run away, a violent crime against you or against a loved one, your own personal failures that haunt you constantly? Embracing and extending forgiveness are not for the faint in heart. Hold tightly to the nail-pierced hand; remember the love, sacrifice, and humility of Calvary; and ask him to empower you to forgive.